just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
