That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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