I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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