I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
