woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
