Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
