babies were throwing up all over the place
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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