wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
