she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can I color on your dick again?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
