She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
