No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
