That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
