If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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