I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
