just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
