I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize