Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
