I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
