Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize