I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Randomize
