Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My life is pants optional.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
