Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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