I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
