Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
