What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
