I think my fart just growled at me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
