9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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