Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
