The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
