i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
