dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
of course. lets lasso hookers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
