Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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