Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
