nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pooping to opera.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
