I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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