i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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