he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
