You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
