so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize