lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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