i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
