i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just invented taco cereal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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