She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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