i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
