just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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