the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
