My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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