Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
