Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
