ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
