i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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