Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize