he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I looked at my own cervix.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
