I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
