Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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