Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
