I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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