I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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