Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
