The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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