There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
