12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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