I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
