Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
