Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
