I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
