So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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