we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
