Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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