hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
