The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
