I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
