you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
