U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize