I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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