this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
