If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
