I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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