idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
