just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
